Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Advisors Ltd.

 I was on my routine morning walk, music plugged in, smile on my face, wind in my hair, minding my own business, when suddenly a middle aged man sprang up out of nowhere. Indicating my earplugs he mumbled something. Most respectfully I took out the ear plugs and listened to what he had to say.” it’s not good for your health madam”. What? Wait, do I know you? I mean who even gave this man the right to interrupt my peace of mind? Who asked him for his advice? Who was this man?

I was at a social gathering the other day, trying to blend in, looking for some local chit-chat. It was then that I noticed that all the ladies around me were very seriously discussing something. On closer observation I realized that all they were doing was giving their inputs, with very serious tones, on what were their best solutions to problems such as good health, marriages, tackling in-laws, raising kids, raising dogs, training maids, achieving, nirvana and gaining moksha! Their solutions ranging from the humble flax-seed to lemon water concoctions, soups, chickpeas, keeping silence, jasmine tea, deep breathing, ‘The Secret’, warm coconut oil, The Art of Living, salt water gargling, Nirmal Baba! They strutted around in intricate plumes and vibrant colours, targeting meek creatures like myself. The avalanche of free advices cascading down buried me neck deep in the planet of doom and melancholy! Hold on, what qualifies them to be walking wiki-aunts? I mean who even needs their advice, did I ask for it? Most certainly not!
My hair-dresser is a compulsive talker. She doesn’t even stop in between sentences to catch a breath! And its solutions and advices all the way. She has the perfect cure for falling hair, thinning hair, greying hair, oily skin, dry skin, and the best part is I never even ask for the advice.

My bai the other day advised me to add kerosene to the poccha water, to get rid of ants. I had only mentioned the fact that there seems to be a lot of ants here. My neighbour advices me to turn vegetarian for purity of my soul, my child’s class-teacher advices me to switch to green tea for cleansing my body, my cousin twice-removed advises me to meditate for calming my mind. These pleasant natured folks are a determined lot, determined to brain wash me with their ‘superior’ intelligence and vast sea of experiences! But who gives them the authority to tell me what I want to do or not to do with my life? Who credits them to dole out advices? 

This breed of advisors can pounce on you anywhere. In public transport, parks, malls, temples, parties, Parent-teacher meetings, even at funerals. You got to be kidding me, escape? There is no escaping them. They are all over the place. You have to be firm. Being polite only adds to their zeal and they might bludgeon you more. They have their own unique styles, some give anecdotes to give authenticity to their advice, some may invite you over to tea to demonstrate, but don’t fall into that trap, they are out to kill your peace of mind. They will not spare you, till you finally give in and slowly one fine day you will turn out exactly like them. Now now, calm down, take a deep breath, don’t want that B.P going up, do we? Here is a bit of “advice” (I am infected too now, a zombie out looking for my prey) turn on that Wi-Fi, go on Google, get that ADVICE!!

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