Monday, April 28, 2014

Unconditional love

A colleague of my husband once told him many summers ago that he should take care of two vital things in life. One- never marry without accepting a dowry; and second- never give birth to a child without a sex-determination test!

Alas my spouse did not follow either of the two advices.

Mind you this colleague is a highly educated, well to do,upper-middle-class officer with the Indian Government.

It’s such a pity that we Indians think this way about marriage and family.

Our highly skewed sex-ratio reflects this mind-set. Middle-class Indians mistreat their daughter-in-laws because her family did not “gift” them the certain brand of car or they did not laden her with yellow metal! I am not even talking about the rest of the Indian population here (they even kill for a car, fridge, house, job).

In the movie Two States, Ananya argues with the groom and tries to reason with him “Is your worth equal to an i-Ten car?” But sometimes it’s the daughter herself who wants to go loaded with consumer durables as she feels this will earn her the respect in her in-laws house. What a pathetic way to earn your place in your future house!

Open any newspaper and read the matrimonial, chances are the boy wants a fair, convent educated, and feminine girl of their own caste or community. The demands come disguised in words like “make your daughter comfortable, her future secure” etc.

Why do people of our country, especially in Punjab, Haryana, and Gujarat, despise the birth of girls?

A lady’s pride and position in her family is measured by how many sons she has! She too wants an assurance that she is able to produce at least one or two sons. So they go to any extent to ensure the male lineage is intact.

I have had complete strangers come up to me in Punjab and Delhi, asking me if I needed help in giving birth to a son. “It’s 100% guaranteed” they shamelessly told me.

How can people respect their mother-land when they have no respect for their woman?

How can you respect your wife when she reminds you of your bank-balance?

How can you ever love your daughter when she only brings thoughts of her impending marriage to your mind!

So then isn’t the love for your own family coming with conditions?

A man who can’t love his own family selflessly and unconditionally is a man only half alive.

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