Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Stupid Cupid

Do you choose whom to fall in love with?

My meeting my husband in the year 1988 was pure serendipity and, as the events turned out, most timely. Till I was appearing for my 3rd year B.A exams I had no intentions of leaving my home town Guwahati and travelling to the capital of India. But then I did, and as things happened to be I joined  the Delhi University. By the end of the two years masters course in History I befriended my classmate and decided to tie the knot with him. He was from Bihar and I, till then had little knowledge about this region, except that it had dowry,dacoits and lalu Prasad Yadav. I was planning to marry a boy who's native language  I couldn't speak nor could I read or write the Devanagiri script. Yet we managed our married life quite okay. In spite of hiccups, love still triumphs in my little home (touch wood).
                                                   Photo taken in 1993 My husband and I.
I have always believed that you don't choose whom you fall in love with, 'kismet' chooses. And ironically that lady fate is blind to innate things like language, religion, region even gender and age.
The other misconception people often have is about "FALLING IN LOVE''. I am often asked this rather silly question, "When did you fall in love?"
There was no earth shattering, church bells ringing, high octave choir music moment when this happened. There never is. I blame the authors of romantic novels for weaving this hocus-pocus.
When two people meet and converse, they slowly discover they enjoy each other's company. They become close friends. Share each other's thoughts and views on everything under the sun. As time goes by, the "friendship" may transverse to the next level. That is how  a deep bond is created. That is how you choose to love one another.
Sometimes fate may choose to terminate a love or a friendship. Like a lamp without oil, its flame extinguished (more on this note in some future blog-post).
Can we choose whom to love? This is a tricky question. Some people are so conditioned to social norms and etiquettes that they are guided by what is expected of them all the time. They only choose to love whom  the society deems fit. They never allow their guards to fall. They will never venture into the open seas. They lead disciplined lives where things are governed by laws of the state or laws of the Manusmriti. They judge a person within their set boundaries and ponder deeply over everything.
But some of us live life wild and carefree. Often we are impulsive and don't judge others by social parameters alone.

 My parents  met during the Annual sports meet in Dibrugarh medical College while pursuing MBBS in 1960s. My dad was the Sports Captain and my mom a promising lady athlete of the college.They spent time together and enjoyed each other's company and before they knew it everyone in the campus was saying they were a couple "in love"! My mother was fated to travel all the way from the southernmost state of Kerala to be married to my dad who was from Assam. They both didn't speak each other's mother tongue.Their culture, food and even religion was different. Yet they felt a strong bond of friendship and decided they needed to give fate a chance and look at them now, happily married for more than 50 years.
                               Photo taken in 2007-My Parents-A Living Testimony Of Love
Do all relationships and friendships have love in them? Yes they do. Some are deep and strong while some are enjoyed till the expiry date catches up.

The only essential ingredients needed for the recipe of love to succeed is a little portion of care, a little concern,some respect and understanding and of course you have to enjoy each other's company as well and add everything to fuel that bonding!
Most of us don't choose whom to love, it just works its magic and then before you know it, that person becomes an important part of your life.
Look for the inner beauty of a person, choose to love the soul, the rest as they say is only skin deep
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