Bewakoof Me!

The lady glared back at me. Dark shadows beneath her eyes, wisp of grey at her temples, frown lines, slight hunch. A wise face that must have been attractive at youth. I saw her standing there at the large window of a store, a startled expression on her face.

It took me a few seconds to realise it was my own reflection I was staring at, totally unaware that it was me!

When did I become that?

I still feel like a young girl!

Often in very formal occasions, like a teacher’s meeting or an interview I never remember I am supposed to be that middle-aged lady who should think and behave like an adult. I feel I am a girl facing a grown-up person! Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t act like a lunatic, yet it always escapes me that I have grown up and should not be spontaneous in my words and actions. I should not gush out my thoughts so impulsively!

I mean I see all adults being thoughtful, sombre and wise. They walk around with stony faces, they weigh their words, think about their actions and their reactions, befores and afters, talk about “then and now”.

A few days ago I read a friend’s blog where she had written about how some people live in regret and in a world of “ifs and buts”! How is it that my mind is never filled with such thoughts? Who am I to say whether this is good or bad? It’s just the way I am. The child in me just refuses to grow up. I am impulsive and uninhibited. I make mistakes never to learn from them. I listen to advices and never follow them!

Is this the reason why I enjoy the company of children? They are unconstrained in their thoughts and emotional in most situations. They cry when hurt and laugh and forget pain easily.

I have faced many sticky situations, got my foot in my mouth a thousand times, fallen face down horribly! I have made a million mistakes in my life, yet I know faced with a similar situation I will make them all over again, but sail through life humming “Bewakoofiyaan! Bematlab betuki si, Bekaar si buddhu si, bewaja, Bewakoofiyaan!!”

Click here to listen to this tuneful song. It just got stuck in my brain! Maybe it will in yours too!