Friday, February 19, 2016

The Pain Of Loss

Have you ever loved and lost.......said the lines in a blog post. It opened a floodgate of memories from my past. Images opened up an old pain.Something that I had buried deep,so deep came back to haunt me and make me vulnerable once again.

Slowly I walk back, each step fills me with longing. Nostalgia rips my soul. The pain is unbearable now and tears start to flow. I am held  transfixed.
The doctor had given his final verdict. He asked me to take her home. She had only a few weeks to live, he said. The words pierced me and tore me apart. How can I  live without her? This cannot be. It's not true. Sometimes truth hurts so much that you would rather live a lie. I was left with no choice.

I took her home. Her head on my lap. She lay there softly breathing. I whispered her name again and again. She looked up at me with so much love, just pure love.

She had been a part of my life for six years now giving me so much happiness and joy. Every waking hour we spend together was so perfect. Her eyes lit up every time she saw me.The love for long walks, good food and afternoon siesta held us together.I did most of the talking, she was a good listener. The bond grew with the passing years. I got so used to her, did I start taking her for granted?

Out of the blue she fell ill. She was tired and exhausted all the time. Her hair fell in clumps and she lost her appetite.Nothing made sense any more.Tests revealed a tumour so malignant that she had just a few days of life left to live.

That last night we spend together, I woke up every hour to check on her. She would look into my eyes and as I slowly stroked her soft hair and whispered her name, she  would wag her tail. That was the last time she wagged her tail. In the morning she was gone. Her still body lay lifeless in the couch. I held her and wept till I could weep no more.

I buried her in my garden under the shade of  a tree and said a prayer. Rani you will be missed. No one can replace you and I will never stop loving you. Have I loved and lost? Yes I have loved,lost but gained many lessons in love.
(This Post is written in line with the IndiSpire Prompt 105 #LifeWithoutYou)

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