Missing You Ma

The sun rose in the eastern sky for the last time in 2018 and my mother's blue and green love birds that she cared for so dearly chirped and went about their morning business. They say that birds can sense a change in their environment. They were very quiet around the 29th of December. Was it the cold wet day that made then so quiet or was it because that was the day that my mother passed away leaving us to walk among the angels?

My mother Anny Koshy was born in God's own country- Kerala. At the age of 18 she travelled across India to the north eastern state of Assam to fulfil her fervent desire to become a doctor. While pursuing her MBBS she met my father Dr Aroon Das. They felt an instant attraction for one another and started a journey of love that has lasted a lifetime- the stuff that movies are made of!

My mother lived a very disciplined life. She taught us the importance of healthy living. Her morning walks are legendary for their punctuality, as well as the post walk laughter sessions she had with her friends all of who are at least 10 years her junior and from different socio-economic strata.

 Dr Anny Das became a well-known personality in the Uzanbazar area of Guwahati. Her lifetime of service as a doctor has left her patients full of anecdotes about her compassionate and selfless nature.Her humour and wit would often cure the sick even before they actually started their medication. 

Not many people knew this, but Anny was a woman of many enduring talents. Not only was she a great mother and wife, she was also a talented sportswoman. She was the best female athlete in her medical college, and she was also a swimmer for many years. Never in her entire life did she let her gender hold her back. She was a glowing example for both me and my sister of the fact that a woman can truly achieve anything that she puts her mind to. Even at the age of 81,she adapted to the ever-growing technological world.She would gladly converse with her family and friends using WhatsApp, share selfie images and even book Uber cabs.

Above all else however, travelling was her true passion- be it to the Lake District in UK or to visit her favourite grandchild in Bangalore. Her mind would never stop planning: new curtains, a trip to visit the Maasai Mara tribes of Kenya or creating a culinary dish for her family to savour. She was truly such a multifaceted woman that I find it hard now to encapsulate the essence of her whole being onto paper.

We will miss you Ma, in all the coming years of our lives. I know you will always be with us, forever smiling and happy.

Stupid Cupid

Do you choose whom to fall in love with?

My meeting my husband in the year 1988 was pure serendipity and, as the events turned out, most timely. Till I was appearing for my 3rd year B.A exams I had no intentions of leaving my home town Guwahati and travelling to the capital of India. But then I did, and as things happened to be I joined  the Delhi University. By the end of the two years masters course in History I befriended my classmate and decided to tie the knot with him. He was from Bihar and I, till then had little knowledge about this region, except that it had dowry,dacoits and lalu Prasad Yadav. I was planning to marry a boy who's native language  I couldn't speak nor could I read or write the Devanagiri script. Yet we managed our married life quite okay. In spite of hiccups, love still triumphs in my little home (touch wood).

                                                   Photo taken in 1993 My husband and I.

I have always believed that you don't choose whom you fall in love with, 'kismet' chooses. And ironically that lady fate is blind to innate things like language, religion, region even gender and age.

The other misconception people often have is about "FALLING IN LOVE''. I am often asked this rather silly question, "When did you fall in love?"

There was no earth shattering, church bells ringing, high octave choir music moment when this happened. There never is. I blame the authors of romantic novels for weaving this hocus-pocus.

When two people meet and converse, they slowly discover they enjoy each other's company. They become close friends. Share each other's thoughts and views on everything under the sun. As time goes by, the "friendship" may transverse to the next level. That is how  a deep bond is created. That is how you choose to love one another.

Sometimes fate may choose to terminate a love or a friendship. Like a lamp without oil, its flame extinguished (more on this note in some future blog-post).

Can we choose whom to love? This is a tricky question. Some people are so conditioned to social norms and etiquettes that they are guided by what is expected of them all the time. They only choose to love whom  the society deems fit. They never allow their guards to fall. They will never venture into the open seas. They lead disciplined lives where things are governed by laws of the state or laws of the Manusmriti. They judge a person within their set boundaries and ponder deeply over everything.

But some of us live life wild and carefree. Often we are impulsive and don't judge others by social parameters alone.

 My parents  met during the Annual sports meet in Dibrugarh medical College while pursuing MBBS in 1960s. My dad was the Sports Captain and my mom a promising lady athlete of the college.They spent time together and enjoyed each other's company and before they knew it everyone in the campus was saying they were a couple "in love"! My mother was fated to travel all the way from the southernmost state of Kerala to be married to my dad who was from Assam. They both didn't speak each other's mother tongue.Their culture, food and even religion was different. Yet they felt a strong bond of friendship and decided they needed to give fate a chance and look at them now, happily married for more than 50 years.

                               Photo taken in 2007-My Parents-A Living Testimony Of Love

Do all relationships and friendships have love in them? Yes they do. Some are deep and strong while some are enjoyed till the expiry date catches up.

The only essential ingredients needed for the recipe of love to succeed is a little portion of care, a little concern,some respect and understanding and of course you have to enjoy each other's company as well and add everything to fuel that bonding!

Most of us don't choose whom to love, it just works its magic and then before you know it, that person becomes an important part of your life.

Look for the inner beauty of a person, choose to love the soul, the rest as they say is only skin deep

The Pain Of Loss

Have you ever loved and lost.......said the lines in a blog post. It opened a floodgate of memories from my past. Images opened up an old pain.Something that I had buried deep,so deep came back to haunt me and make me vulnerable once again.

Slowly I walk back, each step fills me with longing. Nostalgia rips my soul. The pain is unbearable now and tears start to flow. I am held  transfixed.

   

The doctor had given his final verdict. He asked me to take her home. She had only a few weeks to live, he said. The words pierced me and tore me apart. How can I  live without her? This cannot be. It's not true. Sometimes truth hurts so much that you would rather live a lie. I was left with no choice.

I took her home. Her head on my lap. She lay there softly breathing. I whispered her name again and again. She looked up at me with so much love, just pure love.

She had been a part of my life for six years now giving me so much happiness and joy. Every waking hour we spend together was so perfect. Her eyes lit up every time she saw me.The love for long walks, good food and afternoon siesta held us together.I did most of the talking, she was a good listener. The bond grew with the passing years. I got so used to her, did I start taking her for granted?

Out of the blue she fell ill. She was tired and exhausted all the time. Her hair fell in clumps and she lost her appetite.Nothing made sense any more.Tests revealed a tumour so malignant that she had just a few days of life left to live.

That last night we spend together, I woke up every hour to check on her. She would look into my eyes and as I slowly stroked her soft hair and whispered her name, she  would wag her tail. That was the last time she wagged her tail. In the morning she was gone. Her still body lay lifeless in the couch. I held her and wept till I could weep no more.

I buried her in my garden under the shade of  a tree and said a prayer. Rani you will be missed. No one can replace you and I will never stop loving you. Have I loved and lost? Yes I have loved,lost but gained many lessons in love.
(This Post is written in line with the IndiSpire Prompt 105 #LifeWithoutYou)

To Tea Or Not To Tea

It’s difficult to refuse since every cell in your body craves it. You imagine it hot and steaming, the liquid hitting you with its bitter astringent taste, filling you with serotonin. Bubbles of theanine and dopamine bursting inside you.You are calm now, breathing regular and the world is once again a wonderful place to be in!!

So why would you refuse it?

I started drinking tea at collage, the usual excuse, staying up late, completing the portions, the last minute studying. Those days I used to drink tea without milk or sugar. Dark brown and acidic, it filled me with its cannabinoid receptors helped me calm down and at the same time be alert. What a discovery it was, this thing called tea! And the best part was it wasn’t even illegal or immoral to drink it (which most enjoyable things in life are). I could even flaunt it, declare it to all that I was a tea-drinker!

Life could be tolerable because of this wonder drink. But here is the catch, everyone drinks their own version of tea!

Some like it milky and sweet, some with spices and lemon juice, some like it green and bland, and then again some add Yak butter and rock salt to it (In Mongolia, Tibet and Nepal)!

Even among those who brew it the same way as I do, there's many a slip between the cup and the lip. The amount of milk, the sugar, the brewing and the quality of water. And so even when I am dying to say yes to that heavenly manna, I pause and cold dread fills my soul.

See that’s the thing about tea, you got to drink it “your way” or not at all. It’s a lot like love-making, it’s got to be with your lover or not at all (Well for most of us anyway).

But some people visit whores and gigolos you say? Yes that’s why some people end up drinking publicly brewed tea made in a random kitchen by an obnoxious and insensitive cook!

    

Now isn’t tea a delicate thing giving you immense joy for ever?

Food for thought with your morning cup!

 

(Photo Credits: yours truly)

An Affair To Remember

My sweet short romance with the island city of Mumbai started just after a year of living there. It began in secret (as most affairs do). It crept into my life slowly, took over my very existence and now heart racing I recall my rendezvous, in the tree lined Altamont Road; in gorgeous buildings of Ballard pier and Fort; in grand Neo-Gothic buildings of Victoria Terminus; Mumbai High Court and University; in the easily accessible vintage Fiat cabs  with drivers ranging from amicable, crude to boorish;  the breath-taking view from the flyover at Marine Drive at twilight; the crowded and energetic Kalbadevi and Bhulleshwar; the turning from Babulnath temple towards Walkeshwar (takes my breath away each time); the view  from Kamla Nehru Park; racing downhill  towards Kemps corner from Malabar Hill; the crashing waves at Priyadarshani Park; the silhouette of lovers at sunset in Girgaun Chowpatti slowly working  its magic into me.

Victoria Terminus

Some of the simple reasons why I fell in love: The Mumbaikar- Functional, hardworking, unpretentious and practical- here is where I learned to appreciate life. The high energy outside local stations, the hardships and the struggles of the working classes, their long commuting hours, their lack of space and privacy inspires you to live life to the fullest. People let you be what you want to be.

Sunset At Marine Drive

Then it is the extremities of this city- Five star housing apartments with chawls for company, vada pau selling next to fine dining restaurants, MNC CEOs travelling next to the neighbourhood plumber! The list is endless and i have never experienced this anywhere in India.The other reason why I love Mumbai is for its weather- when it rains, it’s the most amorous thing I have ever experienced, the waves in the Arabian Sea swell up in the high tide and crash into the shores (near Haji Ali) and transfix you with their mystery and majesty! You don’t need layers in winter and the summers are tolerable.

Haji Ali

Mumbai has to be experienced during festivals to get a feel of the exuberance that brings out the spirit of the city (culminating in the mad frenzy of Ganpati Visarjan witnessed from the Kennedy Bridge)!

Flora Fountain

I love Mumbai because I feel safe here, it is the only city in India where a woman can safely take a cab at midnight and take the BEST buses without being pinched or gawked at; Can walk at marine drive at 1am and my teenage daughter has the freedom to take public transport and reach her college without feeling intimidated! How many cities in India can boost of this?

Ballard Estate

In Mumbai I feel free, free to go where I please, do what I want, wear what I want, with nobody judging me on my social class, gender or where I come from.

Read the following in a book on Mumbai, “The city is like a mistress- mysterious and engulfing. You can never understand her, and perhaps that is why you may never want to leave her side”

But I did have to leave- With hope that someday, one day, we shall meet again. Au Revoir.

Priyadarshini Park

(Photo Credits: My trusty Samsung phone)