In all FAIRness!

“Your parents adopted you, didn’t you know that? That’s the reason you are dark and your sister so fair and beautiful!”

I was about 8 years old, in a boarding school and emotionally scarred by these mean words by fellow mates. Oh! The traumas of childhood bullying! But wait I turned out okay, did well for myself. I look good for someone in the wrong side of forty (make that the right side actually!). But I wasted years being miserable thinking I was ugly because in our country dark is ugly!

What’s with Indians and fairness?

Kaya clinics and Vandana Luthra parlours rack the moolah on this weakness of Indian mind-set.

“Gora-pan panay ke liye log kya kya nahi kartay!”

Why is it considered superior to be fair skinned? An educated upper caste women must be fair! Says who?

In commercials a dark girl is shown being rejected in her job, she fails the interview, looks dejected- almost suicidal. Nobody likes a dark skinned girl! She is advised to start using a particular whiting cream and lo and behold she is transformed into this fair, smart and confident person (curtains billowing in the wind). And she even gets the job, the boy, and that elusive assignment (whatever!). The world falls at her feet!

You poor struggling souls out there, there is no need to break your heads pouring over books preparing for that illusive degree, job-hunting yourselves crazy, just race to the nearest chemist and get a hold of that savvy life-changing cream, that magic portion  and  your life is transformed into a fairy land where nothing is impossible!

The newspaper matrimonial screamed “Fair slim convent educated homely girl” to whoever was interested! I shudder to think the ‘unfair’ fate that descends upon the not so fair, not so slim and not so homely girls of this great motherland!

Hey, let’s sit up take a deep breath and stop that depressing train of thought.

Remove those posters of Katrina Kaifs and Kareena Kapoors from your mental walls (who has them anyway?). We do have our own lovely talented dusky role models in Bollywood like Nandita Das, Bipasha Basu, Frieda Pinto, who carved a niche for themselves in spite of their colour pigment being the wrong shade. Who is asking Chanda Kocchar, Arundhati Roy, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, Nina Davuluri their fairness quotient?

Now why can’t it just be a matter of individual choice: to be fair or not to be? And who is to argue with the age old English proverb “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”?

I rest my case in the hands of the fair and unbiased! Judge me for my writing, come on! Be fair!!

Little Moments In Life

It was like night time but it was only 4 in the evening. My daughter and I woke up from our afternoon siesta to nefarious winds blowing from the north and the cacophony of doors and windows banging!

The heavens had burst forth and flooded my little garden

 
The howling winds whistled through my rooms.

Little pellets of ice glittered on my little one’s palm as she collected them showing them off like new found treasure.

Silence descends, the rain had stopped. We go outside to inspect the damage.

No electricity, no inter- net, no television.

As the evening grew candles came out and in their lovely glow we chatted. Stories of ogres and demons. Giggles and laughter filled the house.

Packets of Bikaneri bhujia and tea passed around.

Suddenly the lights came on.

Dismay on our faces. The storm had passed, the crisis was over, and our little picnic was done.

And tomorrow is Monday.

Sometimes we need these moments in life when darkness brings us closer to the ones we love the most.

To Tea Or Not To Tea

It’s difficult to refuse since every cell in your body craves it. You imagine it hot and steaming, the liquid hitting you with its bitter astringent taste, filling you with serotonin. Bubbles of theanine and dopamine bursting inside you.You are calm now, breathing regular and the world is once again a wonderful place to be in!!

So why would you refuse it?

I started drinking tea at collage, the usual excuse, staying up late, completing the portions, the last minute studying. Those days I used to drink tea without milk or sugar. Dark brown and acidic, it filled me with its cannabinoid receptors helped me calm down and at the same time be alert. What a discovery it was, this thing called tea! And the best part was it wasn’t even illegal or immoral to drink it (which most enjoyable things in life are). I could even flaunt it, declare it to all that I was a tea-drinker!

Life could be tolerable because of this wonder drink. But here is the catch, everyone drinks their own version of tea!

Some like it milky and sweet, some with spices and lemon juice, some like it green and bland, and then again some add Yak butter and rock salt to it (In Mongolia, Tibet and Nepal)!

Even among those who brew it the same way as I do, there's many a slip between the cup and the lip. The amount of milk, the sugar, the brewing and the quality of water. And so even when I am dying to say yes to that heavenly manna, I pause and cold dread fills my soul.

See that’s the thing about tea, you got to drink it “your way” or not at all. It’s a lot like love-making, it’s got to be with your lover or not at all (Well for most of us anyway).

But some people visit whores and gigolos you say? Yes that’s why some people end up drinking publicly brewed tea made in a random kitchen by an obnoxious and insensitive cook!

    

Now isn’t tea a delicate thing giving you immense joy for ever?

Food for thought with your morning cup!

 

(Photo Credits: yours truly)

Being Indian

'Bruised Souls' By Nirupam Borboruah

My husband faced his first instance of racism 22 years ago in Assam. His Assamese father-in-law had just picked him up from the station and was bringing him home, pointing to some shanty huts on the way he said casually, these “Biharis” have come and made this once beautiful place dirty and filthy. The poor chap didn’t know how to respond as he was a “Bihari” born and bred and a proud one at that.

My husband has done his post-graduation from the iconic Delhi University. The campus was full of “harries” (Biharis) as they were referred to as in the 80s.They were the target of jokes and taunts by the local Delhites, these sometimes got pretty violent too

I am from Assam (and people disbelieve this as I am not remotely mongoloid in looks) and my friends from the other north-east states often called ‘chinkies’, ’Nepalese’ or even ‘Chinese’ in the D.U campus, were always presumed to be very casual and western in their life-styles. I had a friend from Nagaland, mongoloid features and all, she was the most introvert and shy creature I have ever come across. She never opened up to strangers, weighed her words and checked her behavior. She was solemn and serious on all occasions. Now this was contrary to the mind-set that the people had about the tribes of Naga land. They presumed she would be the typical north-east types-casual and easy-going, out to have fun, very ‘western’ in dress and outlook. Alas she was but the exact opposite.

What parallels do we draw from these examples? 

That Indians are prejudiced about everybody. Just because someone is from a certain part of the country, we are biased about them. We joke and make fun of people from anywhere. We have zero tolerance to those who are different from us. We are chauvinist in our attitude to anyone who is not from our caste, region, religion, community, who speak a different language, or who look different. The more the difference between ‘them’ and ‘us’, the more judgmental and dogmatic we become. We harbour narrow-minded opinions and views about the ‘differences’. We are sometimes hurtful and mean, and sometimes as in the case of thousands of Nido Tanias with violent consequences.

It may be someone from south then it’s “Madrasi” and they are fools, unless they are from Kerala then they are ‘kali-pilli nurses’. 

Punjabis (Sardars) are stupid and their stupidity strikes at 12 noon mostly! I lived in Punjab but never witnessed it and I pity the many Sikhs who are named Banta Singhs. 

Gujarati’s are gaudy and spend-thrift! And so are the Marwaris! Bengalis are snobs and argumentative. And the gibes continue, engulfing almost everybody!

We feel so proud and superior that we mock and make fun of anyone who is even slightly different from us. Yes we are xenophobic, bias and chauvinist and full blown RACISTS!!!

Life is tough in India being an Indian!