7 June 2014

Time Flies



Less than a month left for her to leave the house and move to a hostel! The thought fills me with dread. Can a month sometimes seem too short? Where do I begin?

My mind races back to the days when she was a toddler. We ooohhed and aaaaahhed her every milestone. The sight of her toothless grin which lasted alas only just a few months: priceless!  Her comical crawling style avoiding her knees on the floor technique, mispronouncing words in a unique gabble, her fascination for the Bindi, my dupatta, my lipsticks, even my hair! Dolling up and kissing her reflection on the mirror! All this and many more memories bring a catch to my throat as I prepare for my D-day (daughter’s going to university). 



I was one obsessive parent. I used to wash her toys while she was teething in anti-septic solution! Dr.Spock was my bible and the charts given on feeds and naps on Johnson Baby Book was my almanac. I made friends with other mothers so I could exchange information on novel ways to feed, soothe, bathe and amuse her. Bedtime stories were supposed to be calming down time but ended up in her getting more excited. The dimming of lights, the A.C and the fact that her parents were around would result in her breaking off into bouts of jumping fits on the bed! I knew all her school lessons by heart and the TV cartoons she followed (Pokémon, Kids next door, Avatar) were a part of my vocabulary too! I surveyed all neighbourhood schools looking for the best, idealised the concept that nursery should be only fun- learning.

Her teenage years are filled with memories both sweet and sour. She was growing up with a mind of her own. Fiercely independent in her thinking, often leading to frequent show downs on rules and priorities!  Many a times I let her be, testing how far she would go. But she is a sensible and sensitive child and the values I had sowed were planted deep.

I learn so much from her every day. On many occasions I have followed her advice (starting a blog was her idea). 

Sometimes I get the feeling that she is much more sensible then her mom! Yes, I am her biggest fan.

Will my life be the same with her not being in the house? Not at all!

Disagreements over sleeping and waking up time (she can beat an owl in night time wakefulness), choice of food, studying too little, texting too much, and the list goes on!

Will I miss her presence in my life? You bet I will.



She/I slamming the door and walking out in a huff can’t be replaced with long distance conversations on Skype! That satisfying feeling when she polishes off the last bit of Rajma-Chawl on her plate can’t be replaced by her telling me she ate this and that at the hostel mess. Peeping into her room and hearing her soft snoring and angelic face framed on the pillow can never be replaced by her framed photograph on my desk!

They call it an empty nest syndrome and a stage in the cycle of parenthood and life. Electronics help of course and distance is now only a matter of the mind. I smile as a beautiful thought creeps into my mind, “A son is a son till he takes a wife, and a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life".

So I have a whole life time to enjoy her company! *Wicked grin spreads across my face*
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23 May 2014

Those Tiring Times Of Boredom




It’s the summer vacations and I am home alone. The house and the neighborhood is so quiet I can hear myself breath.

A friend of mine once asked me that don't I get bored living alone. And that set me thinking:

When are the actual times I get bored?

So I made a list of such tiring times, check out my list maybe you can relate to them as well, or is it that I am the last man standing-bored!

Number one on my list of very tiresome times is this situation- I walk into a room full of people. It’s an informal gathering. After a while I realize that it’s going to be a long evening of exchanging pleasantries and conversations which I don’t want to partake. Smiling and keeping good humour becomes painful. Facial spasms threaten to attack! A glass of wine sometimes helps blur the moronic act I am performing. I sometimes even fantasize electrocuting few of those around me to pass the time. And then the food escape! But this too if woody and bland, I curse my fate at having wasted one  precious evening of my life in the company of people I don’t really care about. That’s when I am truly bored!

Seminars and conferences (which thank god are sparse in my life) are another bore. When the topic being discussed has little relevance to my understanding, then it becomes close to a death trap! There is no escape. Time seems to slow down. Looking at the wrist watch and stifling a yawn every few minutes only increases the frustration. I start to do mental experiments imagining hilarious situations like, had this been a set in a Bollywood blockbuster, what are its possibilities! Sometimes I read body language, hum a tune in my head, plan my dinner menu, anything that keeps me from falling asleep. 

Sometimes hype around a new release and smart advertising takesme to the movies first day first show. After a while I realise that the director must have been doped (especially in the 2nd half) and I am sitting in a theatre watching utter nonsense. This gets more madding when I realize I had shelled out a fortune to watch this irrational juxtaposition of images! Hold on, I am the master here I can always leave. Only that my partner too should share the same view, or else I am forced to sit through three hours of counting popcorn to ward off the boredom!

Lastly, certain conversations can be a bore. It maybe over the phone (then I am spared from having to show that I am physically following the speaker, by nodding at the right moment and smiling politely) The speaker has no clue that he/she is strangling me with this flow of words which are mostly" I-centric". Since the universe revolves around him/her and I am an alien there, my brain shuts down all its vital functions and I transform myself into a happy butterfly and fly far away from this terribly boring conversation.

So now that I am in quarantine and can pursue all my interests without interruptions, boredom is far from my mind. 24 hours seen so less when you are alone! Don’t get me wrong here, it’s not that I am a total recluse. Far from it, I enjoy the company of educated and interesting people. Fatigue rarely visits in engaging company. In fact I look forward to stimulating conversations. But I enjoy my solitude. No Man is an island, so said John Donne, but I would rather be in an island alone, then have insipid company.  
   

  
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10 May 2014

Not A Material Girl!

I  am just back from that dreadful house of horrors that people lovingly call the mall! I flop down on my soft comfy couch and wave upon wave of tiredness wash over me.

My daughter takes me on this monthly ritual saying she needs to get this or that, and I, like the sacrificial goat, drag my feet behind her, hypnotized by glitzy display upon display of consumer durables.



But I dread this material goods train I am forced to take even if it’s just an occasional one!

My clothes have always been limited and usually from a particular brand that makes no-nonsense fits. I have always owned just one or two pairs of comfortable foot wear, my loyal brand of walking shoes and one functional carry bag! My jewellery collection is limited today to only silver and stones, that’s because I think yellow metal is overrated anyway!

For me, lounge clothes or home wear should be tattered and old because those are the real snuggy ones. You can never get that feel off any shelf, they have to be worn year after year to be comfortable! I also think crockeries don’t need to match, nor is it important to have perfectly color coordinated upholstery to feel at home!

I haven't always been this way. My mental phobia was not this serious, not to this extend! I have never shared this with anyone before today, And it’s difficult even to explain. Every time I am at such a shopping mecca a dreadful feeling takes over me.




 

Firstly, I am appalled at the bulk of consumer goods that are there. I mean why  should I part with my hard earned money when I don’t need another pair of denims just because it is flared at the bottom and even has dreadful shiny pockets? An insistent sales girl says I have blemishes and pushes a cream under my nose, but I like my blemishes and don’t want them gone, thank you! She insists I need an anti-aging cream, but what’s so bad about aging? This verbal tug of war goes on and on, no prizes for guessing who wins in the end!
 

Secondly, after drifting in and out of shining show-rooms for about an hour, I start to get terribly home-sick (yes really, I do)! I start to miss my cosy bedroom, my serene and snug home. I wish I was reading a book or watching a movie on TV, instead of being here where 360 degree mirrors show up all my flaws and make me loosen my purse strings,  to carry home yet another piece of garment that I am told is just the right color for my skin tone!

And then at last, when we are finally headed back home, the shanty houses outside the parking lot always make me regret having spent even a rupee in that chilled and sanitized plaza and having been over-powered by a moment of thoughtless impulsiveness!


 
 
My daughter says I am the last of the breed of anti-consumerists, but then how do I explain that it is the anguish I feel at the end of every shopping trip, that I have slowly over the years decided to end the ordeal itself. I now prefer to face her cacophony, rather then follow the pied piper and end up losing my sanity in that modern day Godzilla! 
 

 


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4 May 2014

Extra-Marital Affairs And All That Hullabaloo!



Some things in life irritate the hell out of me. Why should I allow them to affect me? Yet they do and I am left wondering why some people are so creepy and strange in their outlook and do I really want to associate with such negativity?

I am referring to some people who are all excited about Mr Digvijay Singh (twice chief-minister of M.P and General Secretary of Congress party, a 70 year old senior politician) having an affair with a journalist. Their pictures are being splashed across the media, making so-called pious and moralistic Indians go hysterical.

They reacted in the same way for Jawaharlal Nehru-Edwina Mountbatten, Shashi Tharoor -Sunanda Pushkar, J.F.Kennedy-Marilyn Monroe. But of course, when Hollywood stars and foreign politicians have extramarital affairs, then the whole world rumbles.

Everyone on earth is entitled to a private life, we are all different and fallible. So yes, frankly ANYONE'S private life is NO ONE else's business, period. Judging them does nothing for anyone.
The world is populated by  different types of people. Monogamy however, is simply not viable for a lot of folks. Are humans meant to be monogamous? That question has been debated for many years and while there isn’t any one answer, there are many different theories. The committed partnership between a man and a woman evolved mainly for the well-being of children and stability of society. Whatever it may be our civilization is, for the most part, monogamous. Despite the constant barrage of news stories about successful men and women having affairs, only about 25 percent of married people have an affair outside of their marriage.

Anyhow is it our concern what happens between two consenting adults? Sadly it seems yes, as a lot of people tend to put their noses where they don't belong. Gossip and slandering happens and this is both inhumane and insensitive. When aired on the media it sends a very fascist message to the world!

So am I saying that’s its ok to stray? Far from it! When partners stray their spouses get hurt, families break up and children feel insecure and have a tough time trying to understand. 90% people even in developed nations feel it is morally wrong to have extra-marital affairs.

Then what gets my goat? The reason is quite simple really, I hate people being judgemental and singing the moral raga! Who gives them the right to judge others? Each to his own- that should be the mantra. “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” said Eleanor Roosevelt, a wise American lady.
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