Marriages Are Made In heaven!

Bhavna was studying at a prestigious Delhi University collage. She had dreams and aspirations like any other 20 year old, raised at Delhi’s NCR. She met a young and dashing senior at the campus. They fell in love and decided they wanted to spend the future together. Her family found out about the affair. They tried to convince Bhavna to change her mind.Told her the boy's caste was different. They tried their best to persuade her to forget her love. When nothing worked they strangulated her till life left her young body.

 A few years ago Nitish kataria, a dynamic young businessman dared to love a girl of another caste.He was beaten and  burnt alive. Such  events shock the intelligentsia of any country.

Urban India’s children fed on American soaps, burgers, pizzas, western dress and mall culture are mostly unaware of the social milieu of India. Indian caste ethos is not fully comprehended by them. Their source of information on Indian culture and society comes from Bollywood and rudimentary school text books. How are they suppose to understand the regressive and conservative mind set of their family elders?

Killing or harming your own child is the work of a pathological mind! No healthy parent can take such an action. No discussions warranted on this.

 Parents who oppose their children’s choice of future life partner on grounds of caste, religion and even gender, need to understand the basic mechanisms of how marriage works.

Marriage is one of the oldest social institutions that is in existence today. People marry for various reasons but to stay married compatibility is important. Compatibility can transcend all barriers and differences.

 I met my husband in Delhi University’s north campus 26 years ago. We belong to different castes and came from different regions of India. I couldn't  speak fluent Hindi and was quite ignorant of Bihar's social stratification . In spite of many  storms and turbulence we survived. Our marriage survived.

 My parents belong to different religious sects. They celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary (50 yrs) few years ago.

 Empathy,trust and giving each other space is some of the basic requirements for the smooth functioning of this remarkable institution. Religion, I believe is a private matter and caste  has no role to play in a marriage. Differences in culture, food and such other issues can  be worked on.

  

Whether by their own choice or by their parent’s choice couples marry and mostly remain so. Married couples live, work, raise children to the best of their ability and give companionship to each other especially in old age.  How does caste, religion, society or anyone else figure in the private lives of two individuals who have decided they want to live together?

    

The Great Indian Dress Code!

No bikinis on Goa beaches': After short dresses, minister calls for ban on skimpy swimwear 'to prevent sex attacks'.

 ‘Union minister of state for tourism  wants to end ‘pub culture’.

 13/7/2014 headlines on TOI.

Dear Minister

 I applaud your wisdom and mature observation regarding crime and its prevention in your beautiful state of Goa. Your esteemed self has rightly, in the manner of a fine, cultured and highly educated person, given this conclusion that  pubs ,short dresses and bikinis (hope I got the order correct, saar?) lead to crimes. Your duty to uphold our Great Indian Culture is truly an honorable decision.

 May I as a humble citizen of this nation make a very small suggestion in this regard? (Of course with your permission, saar!)

Firstly, why not introduce a dress code saar? This dress should cover from head to toe. Nothing except the eyes should be exposed (the female species are known to seduce even with bewitching eyes) so the eyes too should only be seen through a net.

The Dress-Code!

 The implementation of such an extra-ordinary dress code will not only boost tourism but also earn you laurels from party high command. You will be upholding the GREAT INDIAN CULTURE!!(Thundering applause: background score)People will visit your state from every corner of the planet to witness such a unique place which has such a beautiful dress-code. The Taliban will be dammed (we will beat them on this score)

   

Secondly, brigades of Goa Moral police (these can be party supporters and happy volunteers) should move around the whole state (in similar dress code) and catch the violators. A public lashing (minimum 5 lashes) should be accorded to such indecent public who dare to wear short western outfits or the equally scandalous outfit called the BIKINI!

 Such dresses tantalize the vulnerable Indian male, transforms him into a violent criminal! The strong grounding he received in his morally righteous Indian upbringing  just melts away like butter at the sight of such alluring clothing. The Great Indian value system crumbles when he witnesses such indecently clad persons especially in the pristine beaches of Goa. And when he is forced (much against his will) to visit bars and pubs and down a few drinks, the helpless and powerless male loses his mind and is tormented to break his ties with his pure desi-bred culture and values. He becomes an animal who is compelled to rape. He is absolutely innocent and cannot be held responsible or guilty in any score for his sex crimes! He is after all The Great Indian Male (hail to thee!)

 Dear Minister, I am awed at your innate judgment and insight. I salute you. It is only leaders like you who can lead our nation to earn new laurels in today’s progressive world. We shall give excellent competition and sleepless nights to the likes of the Taliban and Boku-Haram. They will have to come up with more innovative ways to deal with those vultures of western society and cultivators of immoral women who visit pubs in bikinis and go to beaches in short dresses. (Deliberate mix up) They are all the same these scum bags, these dirty women. They are all evil, evil westernized women and they should all burn in hell or wear the new dress
code. After all what you want is just to protect them.

 Uphold the  Indian naari of this Great Indian nation and uphold our culture, isn’t it Saar?!

   

Book Review: The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri

“Two brothers bound by tragedy; a fiercely brilliant woman haunted by her past; a country torn by revolution. A powerful new novel--set in both India and America--that explores the price of idealism and a love that can last long past death.” The blurb at the back of the novel reads. The Lowland is this and much more- A story of two brothers, separated by fate. One of them, Udayan, is drawn into the Naxalite movement of 1960s while the other, Subhash, leaves for the U.S for research. Their growing up years in Calcutta’s Tollygunge and then how each face their individual destiny is this story, written by Pulitzer Prize winning author Jhumpa Lahiri.

This is Jhumpa Lahiri’s 4th novel. Her previous works of fiction, ‘Interpreter of Maladies’, ’The Namesake’, and ‘Unaccustomed Earth’ all deal with migrant Indians in the U.S. Most of her stories shift between these two countries.

The Lowland speaks about fate, will and exile; A man’s struggle to prove his love; the love for one’s family which is the bed-rock on which a man stands. The ties of blood that link us across continents. It is an intimate tale that revolves around its four main characters and their points of view.

The story will leave you crying at some places and smiling at others. The typical middle-class aspirations of Indians, the enthusiasm for adventures when you are young,  the relation between individuals within the family, all so well described by the author that you feel you are a part of their lives and you belong to that era and land. The book explores human relationships and at the same time the individual’s struggle to establish an identity for himself. This is Jhumpa Lahiri at her best. Pick up this book today and I promise you, you will be swept off by its drama, tragedy and suspense, and you can’t put it down till the last page is read.

When In Rome

Our first posting was in New Delhi in 1994 we lived there till 2003. Incidentally I have lived in this city and done my post-graduation before that, so I can claim to be familiar with its nuances and moods, but here I am talking of just the dressing of its female denizen. The women in the streets are smartly attired and well groomed. They wear the latest in Desi fashion whether it is the Patiala salwar, salwar kameez, churidar-kurta. These days jeans and kurti and western wear is popular too. It’s like committing hara-kiri to turn out in grumpy clothes and dishevelled hair. The ‘Bibijis’ mostly  wear tailored to fit. The thing about Delhi is the area speaks of the class of people you are going to bump into. Khan Market and G.K will be high in Fashion Quotient while Rajori Garden and Pritampura may be less. But everyone on every street turns out well. And  New Delhi parties come with a warning- attend only if you have fortune to shell out because the checking you will be subjected to is akin to immigrations at JFK! After all, Delhi is the fashion capital of India, Bhaiya!

(Delhi women are always well turned out)

                                               

Punjab is similar to Delhi in ladies fashion, but a notch higher on glitz! The ladies of Punjab love Kitty Parties and I, talking about Punjabi kitty party gear will be like me talking about Bombay Stock Exchange!! But this much I know that each party will have a theme (animal print, floral, a specific colour, western outback, animation!!!)  You need to shell out big bucks to wear a designer garb each time! Or you could take help from “www.kittypartiesthemes.com” a website actually exists)! Moral of the story: Oye Chak De Phatte!!

(Women of Ludhiana, Punjab)

Mumbai is a whole different ball game! Everyone wakes up, throws on some clothes (accessories optional) sits on the local and goes to work. The dress is crushed and very ordinary, picked off the rack; no thought goes into the hair or the face. The SOBO college kids (a small hand full of exceptions) may sport the latest Indi-fashion, but that’s that. I have been a Towner and I have no knowledge of the suburbs, sorry. In Mumbai you get to save on your beauty treatments and designer boutiques because  everyone is buying BIBA, Lifestyle or Pantaloons. In some pockets of this Metropolis you will even find “Nightie”clad women roaming the streets doing their daily chores! The Gujju ladies can however be easily spotted; they will be the most colourful and the most vibrant lot! Dressing well is a minuscule minority here. Motto is dress as you please! Sab Kuch Chalta Hai Yaar! 

(Women shopping at Colaba, Mumbai)

Nagpur: Wow! what do we see here on the streets, well we don’t! The girls are all covered up in scarves and dupattas and only their eyes are visible!!! The Taliban will love this place. I thought it was the heat but they are still all covered up and it’s November for Christ’s sake!! Don’t ask, I have done the research; some say pollution, some say it’s to avoid stares, some just shrug their covered shoulders and shake their covered necks!! Poor dears!!

So can we safely declare our national dress as THE SALWAR KAMEEZ!? It’s overtaken the sari (which I think looks gorgeous when well tied) and all other regional dresses. So all Indian ladies on the road in ill fitted ugly salwar suits, Now that’s like a scene from a zombie movie! And I too am one of them cause I believe in the phrase “When in Rome, do as the Romans do". Sigh!

On Being Unladylike

I have a confession to make. I’m going to ignore the fact that this is a lousy place to make a confession. I think I don’t have a single ladylike bone (if there is such a thing) in me. I realized this many many summers ago. My earliest memory (now isn’t memory a fickle thing) is of this very gawky teenager dropping her big sister’s nail polish bottle and staring at the ugly spill on the floor. Why i picked up the bottle in the first place beats me, because I never knew what it was for anyway. I used to wear my sister’s hand me downs or her “designed” dresses. Yeah we are old; we belong to the era before readymade clothes. I remember staring at women’s magazines and wondering how they managed to look so pretty, totally ignorant about such things as make-up, hair style, waxing and what have you till almost my late 20s. These days I see girls who are in their single digit age discussing ombre hair and nail art (who ever thought of such atrocious things?).

When I got married and set up house, my dear hubby(God bless him), set up the kitchen, brought all the knick-knacks  and even taught me to make tea, cook daal, rice and a basic meal. The rest I learnt (literally) from around the country where ever we went on postings and had friendly neighbours (they are a rare thing, let me tell you).

 Embroidery is like Latin and Greek to me, i can’t seem to be able to even thread a needle. When i was in school and we had needle and craft classes, all my final products for submission looked so good (with 100% contributions from mother and sister) that my teacher never believed they were mine inspite of my eye lash batting looks!!! These days bad eye sight is a good excuse, but imagine me as a new bride in my in-laws house, when my extremely talented sister-in-law starts filling a whole bed cover with intricate creepers and flowers! And when my mom-in-law tells me to knead the flour for chappatis (I fibbed a stomach pain and disappeared into the toilet till the coast was clear!)

When we invite guests over for dinner i stick to safe dishes like Paneer, Chicken, Dal, rice or order dinner from outside. Wait, isn’t a get together with friends suppose to be fun and not a platform to show off your cooking skills? Then i die of guilt when we go over to exotic Moroccan or Malaysian dinner spread  and the hostess proudly  announces  “I made all the food myself!” and I practice my fake awe look and polish off a  few more hors-d’oeuvre!

I am so useless with art skills (painting, sketching, photography, paper cutting, even drawing a straight line) that when my daughter gets projects from school, no marks for guessing where i run to. She now has all the skills to handle those scary projects all on her own.

Now, being unladylike comes with a lot of disadvantages, especially since i am a mother of a very ladylike girl- she even has a blog called “All That Estrogen”! But i have an advantage- my better half (now that’s the reason why we call them that) is highly skilled in cooking. He loves to cook! The more exotic, the taster the dish he turns out. He loves buying the weekly vegetables, fruits and non-veg. He loves to plan the menu and has green fingers in our garden. My daughter and he sit and plan the furniture and other stuff when we move into a new house, choose the curtains and the paint for the walls. Thank heaven my daughter is quite ladylike and yes she bakes cup-cakes and does her own French manicure!

(Brownies my daughter baked yesterday!)