5 Annoying Questions!

1) How much are they paying you? (Actual meaning- What’s your salary?)

What’s it to you man? Will you increase it? I will be lying if I say I don’t work for money. It feels nice to see my bank balance grow in long digit numbers adding up month after month. But my real payment is when the kids I have taught grow up and come back on Facebook to say “hi Ma’am, Remember me? I am a doctor/ engineer/ CA/ stand-up comedian ” …you get the picture, that’s when I get my actual pay check.

2) You only have one child? (Emphasis on one child in a slow drawl… actual meaning: one daughter? *Shocked tone!*)

Why didn’t you go in for I.V.F, surrogacy, artificial insemination, adoption, cloning? Other desperate measures that could increase the human population by one more and your family would look so much more normal? Unlike now when you three look so lonely!

Poor you! Who’s going to cremate your body, without a son?

And there is no such thing as having too less in our country, more the better, you would look so good with a brood of screaming kids around you!

Your only child looks so lonely, no wonder she is so thin! No appetite for food without her siblings grabbing the last slice of pizza from her hand, she will never know the joys of wrestling for remotes, bathroom space and privacy! Tsk, tsk! She must be having mental issues fending off her boredom and loneliness no?

3) You don’t look Assamese?(Actual meaning: You are dark and people of north-east are  supposed to be fair and have mongoloid features and go to church)

Well just maybe you have your geography and history all mixed up. The people of Assam inhabit a multi-ethnic, multi-linguistic society. Negroid, Dravidians, Tibeto-Burmese as well as Aryans had been the important groups that lived in Assam. Migration of people to Assam from North India started as early as the 4^th century .They introduced Hinduism in the North-East…….Blah blah blah!

Are you sure you can sustain more of this sociology/anthropology information, because I don’t mind carrying on.

4) Where are you from?

This is the most difficult to handle. I presume I am a homo-sapien and since homo-sapiens came from Africa and Eurasia some 200,000 years ago I too presume my ancestors came from there.

And if in case you mean like the larger picture of where we as humans came from? I would love to sit and have a chat regarding the cosmic theory vs. the Christian/Hindu concepts of man’s evolution!

Unless of course if you mean in the recent past , then I came from home and my home is at present in xyz city and before that it was in xyz city and before that ……I think I need a drink now (head to bar area).

5) Hello! Who is speaking?

Since you called and you dialed those numbers, you will have a better idea, no? As for me I am still trying to figure that question out myself! Why am I continuing this conversation? Hangs up phone!

Smile Please!

“ Smile and the world smiles with you”

These wise words spoken a long time ago rings so much truth. When I returned from my stay abroad, the first thing I noticed besides the noise and the dirt of course, was how we Indians walked around with sad grumpy faces

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 Is the reason for not smiling something to do with the fact that it is considered being below your dignity to smile at any Tom Dick and Harry?

When I am abroad I notice people just smile at you on eye contact in malls, on the roads, in public transport. Either you don’t look at faces or you do and then nod or smile. It’s called being polite.

We Indians either just stare without expression or look sad and distant. A bunch of stony-faces that’s what we see every day everywhere!

In a class-room full of children, the teacher walks in, how many children actually smile on seeing her? Very few! You reach your destination, do you hand over the fare to the cabbie with a smile? Tsk! I doubt it! It’s your turn at the cashier, the poor guy has had a tough day, and do we award him with a smile? Nope! 

A little smile can sometimes go a long way especially at a new place when you are desperate to make new contacts and friends, a smile earns you a high score on that front!

A smile speaks volumes. It can be interpreted as sympathy, as support, as understanding, as being an open person. What’s the harm if we smile at strangers? Why live your life fearing everyone and everything?

I for one have zero problem in smiling at a room full of strangers and introducing myself. This change in me happened when, once a long time ago, I sat and brooded at a social do and wasted 3 or 4 hours not speaking or smiling at anyone! Returning home grumpy and irritated at the wasted evening, I made a promise to myself that this will never happen again. And it hasn’t!

So all it takes is a few muscles spreading to increase the value of your face, banish that thought about crooked and gaping teeth, and just say CHEESE! Watch the cheer spread!

Bewakoof Me!

The lady glared back at me. Dark shadows beneath her eyes, wisp of grey at her temples, frown lines, slight hunch. A wise face that must have been attractive at youth. I saw her standing there at the large window of a store, a startled expression on her face.

It took me a few seconds to realise it was my own reflection I was staring at, totally unaware that it was me!

When did I become that?

I still feel like a young girl!

Often in very formal occasions, like a teacher’s meeting or an interview I never remember I am supposed to be that middle-aged lady who should think and behave like an adult. I feel I am a girl facing a grown-up person! Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t act like a lunatic, yet it always escapes me that I have grown up and should not be spontaneous in my words and actions. I should not gush out my thoughts so impulsively!

I mean I see all adults being thoughtful, sombre and wise. They walk around with stony faces, they weigh their words, think about their actions and their reactions, befores and afters, talk about “then and now”.

A few days ago I read a friend’s blog where she had written about how some people live in regret and in a world of “ifs and buts”! How is it that my mind is never filled with such thoughts? Who am I to say whether this is good or bad? It’s just the way I am. The child in me just refuses to grow up. I am impulsive and uninhibited. I make mistakes never to learn from them. I listen to advices and never follow them!

Is this the reason why I enjoy the company of children? They are unconstrained in their thoughts and emotional in most situations. They cry when hurt and laugh and forget pain easily.

I have faced many sticky situations, got my foot in my mouth a thousand times, fallen face down horribly! I have made a million mistakes in my life, yet I know faced with a similar situation I will make them all over again, but sail through life humming “Bewakoofiyaan! Bematlab betuki si, Bekaar si buddhu si, bewaja, Bewakoofiyaan!!”

Click here to listen to this tuneful song. It just got stuck in my brain! Maybe it will in yours too!